mirna951

Alright, so I live in the northeast, well NY and were getting hit with a massive amount of wind and rain. I went to work from 10-4. And then went to Target, which is right down the street. Of course, I didn’t walk to work or walk to Target. I know shame on me, but the weather was horrible enough that I was losing my balance walking to my car because the wind was so literally strong.

 I bought gum, chapstick, eyeshadow, and a gallon of 1% milk for the cereal rush. I live with 3 siblings. Two of which are guys and my younger sis. Soo milk is essential..so don’t go thinkin’ I drink a gallon by myself lol. Anyways, reason I’m writing down my shopping goodies is because none include any of those highly-processed snacks. Although that’s not to say I didn’t go through those aisles, I did. And that’s not to say I didn’t fantasize eating anything there because I did. But willpower baby is what I had. And I didn’t get anything.

So I got home and to my schoolwork I went. But I think this weather is really getting to me. I’m so anxious and in need to go out its horrible. I think its because I haven’t gone to the gym. I hate this feeling I have. I’ve gone to the kitchen so many times I can’t keep track. I look around and want to grab something to get rid of this feeling, but it ain’t working. And other times I do go and find something to munch on. Lets be real I’ve had 1/2 a mango (healthy calories :/ ), handful of dark chocolate covered almonds (210 cal.), 2 handful of doritos (’i don’t wanna know’ calories), gum (to stop the madness) and 2 slices of pepperidge farm cinammon slices (80 calories a slice x 2 = 160). I know I have certainly gone over 600 calories, but i can’t help it. Aaaghhhh and it went so well today. Healthy breakfast, lunch, and then dinner was healthy too, but its the anxiety snacking monster. I know I should lock myself in my room and not go out anymore, but I can’t help wanting to leave my room. Its this darn weather if it weren’t raining as badly and the winds going so strong I’d be at the gym this second. I guess i’ll continue writing my never ending papers for school in hopes of forgetting the sucky weather, the snacking, the anxiety, and everything else that de-motivates me.

I haven’t been here writing my progress as I diligently should, but I have been reading a blog or two every day and Thank you! Seriously, there’s so much people are doing to keep themselves healthy and on the right path that it just motivates me more to keep it up. I’ve been going to the gym 3x a week and more if I can, but the more hasn’t happened. There is time for me to go to the gym. It just means getting up earlier or staying up later, but more than anything it means keeping motivation up. My body is willing to do it, but my mind is telling me ‘tomorrow..’ well the tomorrow’s become yesterdays and my body doesn’t improve.

A couple of weeks ago I was watching a morning show, sounds like I should’ve been at the gym right?!, nevertheless they were explaining that exercise should not be questioned and just done as if it were another part of daily scheduled events. The message was clear, but the way they said it was tough love. It really clicked and really got to me. This happened in  the beginning of February. I”ve been more careful of what I put into my mouth since then. I haven’t been able to track how much weight I’ve lost since February, but my jeans are no longer causing me to have muffin tops, but fit around my love handles, which means i’ve lost at least 5lbs.  I know my body and I know my patterns. The more I continue this track of healthy living the more I have to convince myself to not think that just because I”ve lost weight I can allow myself to treats because I know for me it means going overboard with treats. I’ve been down this track of losing and gaining and I want to just lose it. I hope to lose 5lbs by the end of March. Secretely, I want to lose more, but I have to realistic otherwise I set myself to be completely heart-broken. Small steps make giant leaps in the long run! Lets keep water bottles filled, our minds clear of negaitve thoughts, plates portion controlled, and our energy and goals above and beyond Have an awesome fun-filled day.  

Last time I was here was during the holidays. It feels like that was all a faint dream, but nope it was reality. The amount of food that a table can hold..wowzer. Update on January…I got my isshhh together more mental work than physical. Afterall, in my opinion, to get started on something you must be committed and I wasn’t completely there yet. What’s that saying 80% is brain work and 20% physical???..something like that. So since the first of February I’ve been moderating my eating and hitting the gym 6 days out of the week. I give myself 1 day of rest because I know there is bound to be a scheduling issue usually something that comes up and I can’t help but say ’sure i’ll do it, no problem.’ I didn’t intentionally choose Feb. 1st, but it landed on Monday. Everyone knows how it goes “i’ll start monday when the weekend is over” and that’s how it happened. I haven’t been struggling as much as I thought I would as far as getting my graduate school reading done, going to work, and going to the gym…. the key is doing the reading at the gym, even if it looks kinda weird to have a packet of 40 pages in front of you and doing the treadmill or the bike. I’m multitasking using the towel to wipe off the sweat, turning pages, and changing the music on the ipod. Unfortunately, I really have a thing with not listening to the whole song or changing the volume to suit how much ummpphh I want to add to my workout. Horribllleee

Well I have to cut this blog short, I finished a paper for class this morning due this evening, now I have to take a shower, go to the gym (work on my paper on my blackberry @ the gym), come back take a shower and change, and then continue the paper from my blackberry onto my computer. So much to do so little time.

I remember a few weeks ago or months( time passes so quickly who can keep up??!) reading or seeing on TV the mentioning that Thankgiving and Christmas  are Holidays, meaning a one day affair, so gaining the weight should not occur, unless we stretch this whole thing out. Which I do?! WHY?!?!!?! Really why do I do this to myself.? I was going so well before Thanksgiving came around. Then Final exams came for my graduate courses I’m taking, which I have 2 more exams this week with 3 papers to hand in for the cherry on top. SO what have I been doing avoiding the gym and eating more. Shame on me. I see that my belly fat and love handles keep getting wider, but I feel so anxious about it that I eat. HOW EFFED UP IS THAT OF ME?!?!?! I don’t learn my lesson.

I went for 2 weeks every single day to the gym even if it was at 10, 11, or 12pm for an hours and half and I was seeing results!!! Now I am more than sure does results are gone for a week of binging. I can feel. I sit down and I feel my stomach rolls sticking out and rolling. I’m upset and mad at myself> I felt that I should vent this out and put it out there. Buddyslim is like my confession. I feel even without the comments just the fact that I have put it out publicly that I have committed a food-binge-sin it will probably give me a wake up call (and it usually does) . And by binge I mean the non-stop of snacking…1 snack after the other.

ARGGGHHHHHH!!!!

So I had been sore for 2 days and today 3rd day…I’m no longer sore. Awesome….yes! I can actually move. My knees had been killing me..constant pain and my tummy too. I know this pain is suppose to be a way that I see that I am doing something to my body, opposed to not doing anything at all, but damn! It can be a real pain! The soreness, when trying to do simple tasks is excruciating like at work I couldn’t bend down to get something out of a file cabinet without making a face or a grunt haha. Now I can laugh about it. But I know that in a couple of days when I once again start the workout routine it won’t be a laughing matter. Odd I don’t get sore from running or power walking around the track, but the home workout routines somewhere in my body I end up with soreness. Anyways, I’m trying out this calorie counter on buddyslim and I’m finding it very difficult. I’m just logging in after a somewhat long day and trying to remember everything I ate and is hard. It’s hard to realize that I probably shouldn’t have had half that Entenmanns chocolate covered donut at work or snacked on the cold cuts I got from going food shopping for the family. Oh! Speaking of which…..the thing that I am enjoying of this lifestyle change or diet is that I’m the food shopper at home. I’m the one being active, going out and buying food. Yes, I’m 22 and living at home…I’m a grad student working with what I got.. so my shopping consists of getting LOTS of healthy stuff and within this is WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, as much as I LOVE WHITE! and so does my family…. this must change. I’m not gonna lie sometimes the white bread is on sale and I would love to just grab it and save myself the pennies, but I look at the overall picture. Do I not love myself enough or my family to buy the whole wheat bread?…..I know you must be thinking to yourself as your reading this….wtf?! what is this girl ranting on about or most specifically, why? Why? because the choices that are made today affect us later. Those few pennies spent on the good stuff is worth it. The body and mind loves it. I want to know what it feels like to reach my mini goal. I want to know what it feels like to reach my real goal. I want to know what it feels like to not feel self-conscious in a bikini. I want to know that when I grab a pair of jeans at a shopping mall I won’t have to go back and get a bigger size, but a smaller one!!!!Small Changes Create Big Changes.  We must keep reminding ourselves of this.

Food Log

My heading says it all…i’m tired….and not the kind where i wanna quit, but the kind where i should be in bed and getting my body the  rest it deserves taht way its ready for tomorrow jog.

I had a good day today. I ate right. Didn’t do my exercise routine at home and didn’t go to the gym, but i wasn’t sitting in the back office doing paperwork. I was out on the floor walking and standing..which should count for something….my knees are killing me! I don’t know if that’s good or bad…On the good side it means i’ve been walking alot and moving around. On the bad side it might mean i have too much weight on my body and that just brings me down bc i remember a time when my knees didn’t hurt..

But I’ve set a goal and i’m committed to doing it. NO matter the pain that it brings…from sore legs to sore arms. Keep on truckin’ on

So i didn’t have a bag of chips…i had a yogurt instead. I didn’t have 2 mallomars I had 1. Little small changes that I’m making will make a difference is what i keep telling myself. Although I would like to see fast results thats just thinking nonsense pshhh i know. ..Now what i must control is eating real late…hmmm…..

 Does anyone have any suggestions?

Usually i go to bed early to avoid thinking about it….but really what do you guys do to avoid the late snacking or the 2nd dinner?!!

My jeans are getting real tight. A couple of months ago it wasn’t like that…a couple of months ago I needed a belt to hold them up….now its not so. uggghhhhh

I was in denial…i did NOT want to go back to “lifestyle change,” otherwise known as dieting. I hate it. I hate not being able to splurge or more like eat whatever absolutely I want and with no limits. I have the biggest sweet tooth and the biggest stomach..haha its true. I can eat and eat and not feel completely satisfied. I let myself go for the past couple of months since april or may…why?

 Many excuses…. i had undergrad finals…then graduation…then vacation…then work and summer….now my latest excuse i’m in grad school and working…OR the biggest one…..TOMORROW….yep i know..it shouldn’t be like that…it should be NOW…..well I’ve decided to get back on track by journaling my experience everyday…its a must….only by doing that will i know that i have to admit my falls.

I admit that I ate TOO much today and the before that too and the day before that and so on. And it wasn’t out of hunger..it was out of boredom… anxiety….and a bit because i reallly really wanna quit and just “forget” about it..although in the back of my head that ALL i think about….FOOD and WEIGHTLOSS and EXERCISE…more the the first 2

BUT….my jeans don’t fit…my love handles are really big and my arms too….i feel tired most of the time…. i can’t get up a flight of stairs without feeling out of breath…. I want to feel capable, strong, and empowered to be.

So….lets start now…i’ve confessed and i feel rejuvenated.

So I had a better day…I actuallly went to the gym! Lol it was about time. I had been procrastinating it for awhile, but my bulging tummy and my double chin convinced me. I’ve been finding lately that it only takes one look in the mirror for my motivation to kick in.  I did 1/2 hr on the elliptical and 1/2 hr on the treadmill. I have a harder time doing the weights b/c its SOOO intimidating going into the weight section. I know I have to get over that hurdle and just do it. Much like I just have to keep my mouth closed and not eat. More doing and LESS complaints. So I almost had a slip up when my mom brought home P i z z a.. ughh needless to say I l o v e pizza. But i resisted and kept sipping my water and then had a couple of ice cubes. And chose to have a piece of gum. I had a very healthy dinner of only veggies and an ounce of chicken, but cheese and bread…to die for.

I’ve been thinking alot if I should kick off this very strict diet of no bread. I know NO BREAD what am I thinking?! Well the last time I did it i lost 5lbs-10lbs…it only lasted 2 weeks and then i added whole wheat bread.  Then again I was at the gym every single day for those 2 weeks for 1.5 hrs. It will be 2 long weeks, but so worth it. I’ll have to further think about it, side effects of no bread include ‘irritable n moody mirna.’

Well as much as I would like to write on and on. sadly I have school work to get done, more specifically education psy. chapter readings and q & a to be turned in tomorrow…wish me luck these readings and responding to q’s take forever. but on a brighter side it keeps my mind away from food- hehe.

For those, who responded back to my last blog…Thank you! I’m glad that I’ve joined. It feels very right and I can most definitely relate to many Oh so many blogs. its ridiculous.

So today was the most longest day ever! I didn’t have class (Easter Monday), but I was at work all day 1-9pm. I actually wasn’t in the back office sitting on my buttocks, but moving around which is awesome. The more steps taken during the day the more calories lost right? right! This exhaustion is one I dislike more than the ‘going to the gym in the early morning and then crashing at the end of day’ kind of exhaustion. The latter is so more rewarding. So yea, I didn’t hit the gym today…I woke up late and then kind of procrastinated. I know HORRIBLE!!! But on a better side I didn’t overeat, over indulge, or binge!! woo hoo…but I’m sooo hungry right now, like its not even cravings. I’ve gotten back on track and I’m trying to keep it healthy… B: bowl of cinnamon apple oatmeal. L: ground turkey w. pasta and cauliflower D: cereal. Snack: almonds. Everything in moderation is what I keep reminding myself. 

So I’m heading to bed asap…..I really don’t wanna eat anything. Ugghhh ‘no pain no gain’ can that be applied here?